Now THAT'S what we call security!

IT consultant gets a gig doing work for a government agency that frequently handles top-secret documents -- and it gets a bit surreal at times, reports a pilot fish in the know.

"When Fred would get to work, a guard armed with an assault rifle would turn on a red light," fish says. "That signaled all employees to cover their papers and turn off their monitors.

"Fred would then be escorted through cubeville -- with the eyes of every employee on him -- to a windowless office, where he would be locked in. The process repeated at the end of the day -- he had to phone the guard to come get him.

"But what about bathroom breaks? The same process was followed, except the guard had to accompany Fred into the restroom, and Fred had to remain in the guard's direct line of sight at all times to prevent loss of restricted data.

"Things became somewhat challenging for Fred when the guard was female..."

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