Shark Tank: They say the darndest things

Cubicle dweller moves his own PC three cubes down to his new home over the weekend. But on Monday, he sticks his head in this IT pilot fish's door: He can't log on to the LAN. A short trek back to the cube, and the fish spots the trouble: The phone cord is plugged into the computer's Ethernet port. As the fish starts fixing the problem, user has an epiphany: "That's probably why my phone doesn't work, either!"

Outside sales specialist can't connect to the Internet with her new Windows Me laptop, so she calls service provider's support desk. After some troubleshooting, tech identifies the problem: "You're running the wrong OS. Get your IT department to install another OS," he instructs. "Then we can help you."

Marketing VP gets the brilliant idea to print mouse pads with the company logo for the back-office troops at one remote division. But he's red-faced when they arrive: Turns out this office doesn't have mouse-based PCs yet. "What should I tell them?" he snarls. IT pilot fish helpfully suggests, "Tell them they're stadium seats?"

Circuit court judge calls the help desk demanding to know why he should ever have to change his password. For security? a helpful IT pilot fish suggests. "I have armed guards around me at all times," hizzoner fumes. "My courtroom is completely safe!"

Remote user is apparently trying to troubleshoot a connection problem in a wiring closet, says support pilot fish who only heard his colleague's side of the conversation. "OK, the UPS has a green light? That's good. Now we need to find a box that says 'Cisco' on it. You found it? Good. What do you mean, it's empty? No, no, that's the shipping box it came in. . . ."

Paper jockey calls to complain that a report generated by the IT shop has an error. OK, says IT pilot fish, I'll be happy to review it, but I'll need to see the report - can you fax it to me? "I will fax it to you," says the dubious user, "but you need to make sure you fax it back to me because it's the only copy of the report I have."

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Copyright © 2001 IDG Communications, Inc.

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