Unclear on the Concept

"Everything on my laptop is turning blue," user complains. Support pilot fish hustles to the scene and finds user has attached the laptop to a video projector. The wall you're using as a projection screen is painted light blue, fish patiently points out. "I know that!" user snaps. "I'm not stupid. Just fix the @#$%! thing so it projects white!"

New Math

IT pilot fish sends this report to several accountants every month in two parts -- he has to break it up because it's bigger than the 1,500KB size limit on attachments. But one user says that's unnecessary. "Quit sending me kilobyte files," she says. "Send megabytes. The file will only be 1.5MB, much smaller than the 1,500 system limit."

Stealth Mail

Help desk pilot fish can't get a response from other support techs or the user who complained about this problem. So to make sure there's a paper trail as he abandons the trouble ticket, he sends out his last e-mail request to support and the user -- with a blind carbon copy to his manager. Later that day, the manager takes fish aside. "Don't include anyone on the bcc: line," he tells fish. "It looks like you're trying to hide something."

No Problem, Then

This remote site's frame-relay connection goes down, so IT pilot fish sets up an emergency dial-up connection. And since there's only one regular phone line in the office, he explains to users that only one computer can connect at a time. That satisfies everyone except an outside salesman. When fish explains there's a connection for only one computer, he says, "Oh, this one isn't a computer. It's a laptop."

Incomplete Waste

Two copies of this huge mainframe report get run every day, even though only 20 or 30 lines ever change. IT pilot fish suggests printing only the changes, but user won't have that. Fish tries again: Do you really need the second copy? "Oh, we've never actually used it," user says. "It just sits on the corner of George's desk, and every day the new copy replaces it. We do recycle it, though, so it's not a complete waste."

Priorities

Manager of this remote site complains she can't connect to the central server. IT pilot fish has her check the router; she confirms it has no power. "Follow the power cord and make sure it's plugged in," fish says. She does; it isn't. "Plug it back in," he says. She objects: "I'd have to unplug my charger for my cell phone."

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Copyright © 2003 IDG Communications, Inc.

  
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