The Nightmare Before Christmas

Computerworld - I found it difficult to decide what to write for my Christmas column this year. My first plan was to provide a list of gift suggestions. For example, Sun could benefit from a subscription to Self magazine, since the company seems to be having a lot of trouble finding itself on its own. Instead, I decided it was impossible to turn to the festivities of the holidays without confronting some ghosts of the year past. So, with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, I offer this interpretation of his famous poem:
'Twas the week before Christmas, and at the workhouse
A few workers were griping an occasional grouse.
They'd been to a meeting of CEO pap,
Where they'd all settled down for a long winter's nap
And stolen a break from earning their bread,
While visions of bonuses danced in their heads.
Then out in the hallway there arose such a chatter,
I listened intently to see what was the matter.
"A present was placed in each cube with great care,
In hopes that we workers would notice them there."
So away to my cube I flew like a flash,
In search of an envelope filled with hard cash.

The fluorescent lights that were flickering low,
Gave a strobelike effect to the objects below.
Then, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But a navy blue envelope with my name printed clear.
With a bit of a quiver, I almost felt sick;
I thought for a moment it might be a trick.
So rapid it beat as I stared at the name,
My heart at that moment was hopeless to tame.
My family and I were all fussin' and fixin',
For a merry vacation with a heapin' of glitzen!
Surely a check was what beckoned and called!
Now cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!

As after a meal one might savor a pie,
Before delighting the mouth -- fill the nose and the eye
-- For minutes I stared at that envelope blue,
While thinking of all of the things I could do.
And then, in a twinkling, I felt like an oaf,
It's for family, you see, that I labor, not loaf.
As I drew up my hand, and I turned it around,
The envelope glistened where glue had it bound.
It was dressed rather plain for a thing holding loot,
But tradition aside, decorations were moot.
If only it put a few toys in the sack,
That would surely make up for the frills that it lacked.
With IT positions so scarce it was scary
It took very little to make workers merry!

I thought as my grin was drawn up like a bow,
It was time to stop stalling and get on with the show.