Ahoy there! 'Tis nearly Talk Like a Pirate Day!

talk like a pirate day 2015
Credit: Sandra H-S & flickr / Paul Hamilton (background)

Ahoy there and jolly day! Tomorrow is Talk Like a Pirate Day and, since programmin' be a ruckas and basically just a way of usin’ a language, ye can also be programmin’ like a pirate! Seriously, ‘tis be easier than it sounds, so CHILL. Let’s be focussin’ on all th’ scriptin’ and programmin’ languages that have some spooky connection to piracy and ye’ll soon spy wit' ye eye what I mean. And try readin’ ‘tis post out loud. It just might help.

For starters, if ye want to program like a pirate, ye might first want to start out with th’ C. If it’s rainin’, maybe that should be C++. If it’s a calm day, C--. 'n, if thar’s a big storm brewin', that be C#! But don’t be subjective ‘bout it; tis Objective C be better.

Once ye find yer Self a good ocean, ye are goin’ to need th’ help of some Pliant Bro to help ye with th’ Assembly of a Nu Arc or a Clipper to Go Forth in. Just remember to bring an Atlas in case ye need a CLU about where ye R or a Q to where ye’re headin’. Ye won’t be dependin’ on a SIGNAL to lead th’ way to Ceylon or to some Fancy harbor.

Yer ship will be yer Fortress so it would be Groovy if ye keep it Clean. That can be hard as ye might want to pick up a Shell, C shell, Bourne Shell, Korn shell, or powershell along th’ way. But keep yer shells on th’ shelf, Nimrod; ye can be a Smarty with ‘tis smalltalk, if ye get my scheme. ‘Tis an easy Basic Lingo.

If ye need to climb th’ Maple mast, let’s woe ye figure out th’ Ladder Logic and don’t develop a Lisp.

Before ye be off MAD, however, ye should make yerself into an Icon, th’ mighty PILOT of yer vessel. I’m not tryin’ to Slate ye or turn ye into a Logo with a Parrot. Ye may instead have a Monkey or a Squirrel who can Squeak, or even a Heron, Falcon, or Puppet. Just don’t be selectin’ a Python or a Cobra or ye’ll be sayin’ “Boo hoo”!

If ye really want to achieve Euphoria,then ye’re goin’ to need some kind of Racket and ye should rescue some bloke. I prefer Felix, Oberon, or TOM, but Julia, Ada, or Alice might be better choices for ye. Then ye can have an Oz like adventure where ye might find a Perl or some Jade – or really just be pickin’ up anythin’ with Lustre. And don’t be forgettin’ to click ye Ruby heels together before ye Dart away.

If ye need to Inform some other band o’ pirates about yer plans, make sure they don’t Scratch or Tcl ye. ‘tis is only Natural for pirates to worry ‘bout disease, so be careful not to catch th’ MUMPS.

Arggh! We haven’t even begun to Factor in Magic and magik. But if ye be a true REBOL, ye might yacc with a Genie or an Oracle and share a special Elixir.

And, of course, while readyin’ yer ship to return home, make sure yer Force Mercury outboard has a SPARK and extra wee Rust. 'n beware 'o th' Fantom of th’ C!

And, if ye need to be tellin’ a joke today, try “What did th' scurvy pirate shout to D PILOT at th' end 'o th' day?” He sedawk!”

'n, just in case ye didn't get it, all them words displayed in bold 'n underlinin' be names 'o programmin' languages. Blimey!

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