Forbes reports that Steve Ballmer has bid $1.8 billion to buy the Los Angeles Clippers. Here are three things to expect he'll do if he buys the team.
Replace San Diego cheerleaders with his monkey dance
Who can forget Steve Ballmer's infamous monkey dance, when he danced insanely around the stage during a Microsoft event looking like nothing so much as an escaped inmate from a mental institution? Imagine how well that would play to an NBA crowd. So expect him to replace the usual jiggling NBA cheerleaders with public performances of it during timeouts. If nothing else, it would drive people from their seats to the concession stands and bring in extra revenue for the team.
Give rousing halftime pep talks
Ballmer has always thought himself a master of motivation. So expect him to give the Clippers rousing halftime pep talks by taking a page from his Microsoft past and running maniacally around the locker room as if he had imbibed too many North Korean amphetamines, shouting "Developers, developers, developers!" in the hopes it will get his NBA stars to jump higher, shoot more accurately, and defend more aggressively. He seemed to think doing that worked at Microsoft. Will that spur on the Clippers to more victories? Likely not. But it will certainly keep them entertained during down time.
Ask the NBA to put the three-point rule into effect
Under Ballmer's leadership, Microsoft was continually behind the times, missing out on the mobile revolution, the digital music revolution, the tablet revolution, and more. Expect him to carry that over to the Clippers. So he'll ask the NBA to finally put into effect the three-point rule, not realizing it had already been done in 1979. While he's at it, maybe he'll recommend all PCs in the Clipper's organization run MS-DOS.
Note: Ballmer has apparently bought the team. Now that he has, here are three more things I expect him to do.